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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

They called a Board Meeting this morning, but I was late and my advisors were in the middle of a heavy discussion when I walked in. They had a serious message to convey to me and hummed and hawed around before they could get it out. They knew I wouldn’t like to hear what they had to say.

“You are evading your other writing project with this blog”, they told me. “You have to give it up.”

It was harsh news, but I knew they were right. ‘I’m having a lot of fun here at the Newsroom,’ I told them. ‘I can’t give it up completely.’

‘You’re never going to finish your book this way.’

I sighed and reluctantly agreed that I would stop, but just until I’m done with my book. ‘I can ‘paws’ it’ I told them. They got the joke. They’re very smart cats.

I will miss being here, but I’ll check in from time to time for comments, so feel free to have your say.

Hope to be back soon.

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Alternative method to bathing a cat

I’ve been contemplating bathing The Mewsers. For about a year now. What’s holding me back? Childhood memories of the scratches on my arms from cats I don’t even remember the names of. The scratches etched upon my arms are now embedded in my memory.

I’m testing out some alternative methods, as suggested by the photo here.

There’s some waterless shampoo products now on the market, which I will try on Marco and Polo. Will report back on the results.

 

 

 

I’ve also included–free of charge– this now famous,  funny ‘instructional’ video on ‘How to Wash a Cat” by Bud Heron.

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Let our Meows be heard!

This is the opportunity of a lifetime for your cat. Let your feline have his political voice in this highly scientific-based survey. Find out what’s truly going on in your cat’s mind regarding the 2008 Presidential Election. This will certainly sway your vote if you are still on the fence.

According to Ducker of ‘Mutts n Cats from Honduras’ whose wife voted for their mayor primarily from the fact that the candidate had rescued a dog off the streets (see comments on last posting), I’m thinking that the pet issue is more of a major factor than anyone has acknowledged before now. Forget economic, healthcare and foreign policy issues! Cats, who are in the majority (outnumbering dogs by over 13 million) in the U.S., undoubtedly have valuable foresight into our political affairs.

So… don’t make this important decision without your cat’s opinion! This election is running so close that it might come down to ‘meow and bark’ opinions.

My two Mewsers are split politcally on the election. Polo is definitely more conservative and prefers the rumpled lived-in look of McCain, while Marco is the dashing, adventurous one with liberal leanings. He is very inspired by Obama and would love to see him in the White House. They get into fights over this occasionally. It’s making politics a hot button issue at our house these days.

So far the survey results indicate that both ferals and pedigrees choose McCain’s lap to sit in. The mixed breeds prefer Obama. Interesting.

Don’t delay. Grab your cat and let ’em vote!   http://www.polldaddy.com/s/D0CBCE9E910CC283/

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I wasn’t going to get political on this blog, but it seems that the cats and dogs can’t stay out of it this year and the staff at Global Cat Newsroom tries to keep its readers up to date on all the really serious news.

Seems that this year the election is going to the dogs according to an AP-Yahoo news poll. Any surprises there? But the headlines are fairly shouting out “Pet owners favor McCain over Obama!”  “Is McCain Best in Show for pet people?” “McCain expected to win the pet owner vote”.

Seriously, the AP poll concluded that pet owners prefer McCain over Obama claiming that since McCain owns a menagerie of pets and Obama has none, he has more of a compassion quotient. Has the election really come to this?

We’re going to decide who runs this great country by the candidate’s pet count? According to the the poll, dog owners lean toward McCain (43% to 34%) while cat owners run a closer race. It’s Obama in the lead (41% to 38%).

But here’s where this poll is mortally flawed. According to the American Pet Product Manufacturers Association, they estimate that 63 percent of American homes include a pet, including 88 million cats and only 75 million dogs.

So….cats rule America, but the dogs are making the decisions here.

Unfair to felines!

Cats need their own voice!

My conclusion is that these polls are pretty silly and are just there to keep us entertained, and so, following that logic, I’ve created my own poll. This is to be taken by your cat. No cheating. And no dogs sneaking their votes in on this one.

 Marco and Polo have both taken it, so I feel confident in it’s accuracy, give or take a margin of error of say, plus or minus 95%.

Please don’t hesitate to give your cat a political voice! Just nine short questions. I will post the results of this survey.

http://www.polldaddy.com/s/D0CBCE9E910CC283/

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A number of people have ended up on my blog from search engine terms for ‘shades of gray’. To those of you who came here expecting a home decorating sight, my apologies. So that you haven’t completely wasted your time, here are three lovely shades of gray that have been digitally produced from the fur of this kitten.

Have you considered the color of your cat when choosing that wall color? This is quite possibly the newest trend in home decorating.  After all, your cat probably spends a lot of time sleeping in the living room, right? If you are extremely color-coordinated conscious,  you will start to notice that the color of your cat doesn’t quite blend with the color scheme in your house. It’s one of those things that, if you don’t nip it in the bud, it could really keep you up at night. 

If you already have a cat, you’re pretty much stuck with the color. (There is the possiblity of designer-colored cats in the near future, but this is currently only available in North Korea and it’s limited to glow-in-the-dark colors. (See my posting: When Korean scientists meet with marketing gurus) at this point. But give them some time. I’m sure it won’t be long.)

On the other hand, your cat’s fur color could offer the perfect solution to that nagging problem of paint scheme. For example, I have two orange tabbies (The Mewsers) The thought of painting my living room in shades of orange reminds me of shag carpet and avocado appliances. Orange only looks good on cats and flowers and oranges. But just to see what it would look like, I ran a photo of Marco and Polo through the color picker on my graphics software.

Here’s the Mewsers color palette. Surprising results. Not orangey or 60’s at all. Kinda earthy. I showed it to them at our Monday morning board meeting. They loved the colors, of course, and they absolutely adored the idea of blending in with the walls (they already blend in with much of the furniture). Maybe I’ll take it to my local Sherwin Williams dealer and see if they can match it.

If you’ve spent hours looking at color samples, searched the internet for inspiration and advise and nothing has ‘clicked’ for you, here’s your solution.

Take a photo of your cat and send it to me. I will run it through my graphics color picker.  Free service for the first 10 submissions.

 

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Gray Cat with yellow eyesI’m on Day 5 of feeding ‘Mean Kitty’. I put the food where I can watch him from the window when he decides to come out of his hiding place to eat. He won’t let me come out on the porch while he’s there. As stealthily as I try to open the door and tiptoe out, he turns to leave, checking me out over his shoulder in hopes I’ll go away and let him eat in peace.

I still don’t have a name for him although I’ve had two suggestions. ‘Rambo’, from a blog friend and ‘Fuzzy’ from my granddaughter. I’ve been contemplating Benjamin Moore paint color names for shades of gray since they always have such creative descriptions. Not only is his color gray, his very presence is ‘gray’. He’s not handsome or likeable and fights with my cats (who are very handsome and likeable) which makes this naming job even harder.

Should I name him something that fits him as he is….or find a name he could live up to?

A little gray paint color research turned up these results: Benjamin Moore: Carolina Gull, Heather Gray, Silver Marlin and Cashmere. I don’t think so.

On to Sherwin Williams gray paint names: Mystical Shade, Soulmate, Gibralter and Outerspace. More creative, but I certainly don’t envision this cat as my Soulmate although he might be from Outerspace.

There was an Laura Ashley gray called Chimney Sweep. I can’t even imagine painting a room that color! More designer colors turned up Ralph Lauren’s Pewter, Sweatshirt, Basalt and Storm. Hmmm. Maybe Storm.

Lowes/Valspar paint colors looked more promising. Although Cement, Overcast, Asteroid and Meterorite didn’t work for me, but there were three others that might work.  Jasper , Slate and Legend.

So I’m taking a poll with my new polldaddy widgety thing here to test it out. Pick a name you think would fit this feral cat — the color of a dark storm cloud in a perpetual bad mood.

I can’t post a photo of ‘mean kitty’ because he won’t let me get anywhere near him yet, so you have to use your imagination. He’s solid gray, no other markings as far as I can tell. On an RGB color scale, he’d be a 38.3, 38.3, 38.3.

 

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There’s the South Korean scientists experimenting with cats story. They’re the ones with the glow in the dark cats. You’ve probably seen these already. Scientists perform these crazy, bizarre experiments with altruistic intentions, right? They always justify their work in the cause of finding cures for human genetic disorders. Never mind that these animals suffer greatly at the expense of men playing God.

But my posting isn’t a critique of pros and cons of scientific research. Why not apply a marketing angle to this? Put South Korean scientists together in a room with some American marketing gurus.There has to be a niche market for glow-in-the-dark-cats. Never mind that they’d be toxic to your health and have their own severe health and emotional problems. Who cares? They’d make great night lights. And they’d fit right in that retro 60’s room you’ve been planning to do.

How in the heck did I arive here? I seem to have a strange mind proccess that, without warning, will link two unrelated subjects together. No telling what happens as a result. I never know when this is going to occur and I don’t know why it happens. Maybe it’s genetic.

So, just in case you’re fascinated by how I arrived at marketing glow-in-the-dark cats, I’d been saving a bloggish/almost news item that didn’t quite qualify for a full posting. It was about a woman who, on a shopping trip with her friend, discovered that said friend decorated her home to match her calico cat. I thought that was pretty silly, especially since the cat had been dead for 2 years, but I couldn’t quite come up with an interesting enough posting from this by itself.

But today, when I re-read the ‘mad scientists and their cats’ story, the “The Mind Thing” kicked in and I saw the possibilities. Home decorating and designer cats! ‘Glow in the dark’ is just the start.  Why spend all that time and money trying to find stuff to match your cat? Too limiting. Get your genetic, designer cat that matches your unique home decorating style and the latest in colors.

Whether it’s the newest 2008 Benjamin Moore colors, be it ‘Aegean Teal’, ‘French Violet’, ‘Rockport Gray’, ‘Misted Fern’, ‘Cherokee Brick’ or ‘Ferret Brown’ you won’t have to worry about your sleeping cat clashing with the wall colors. Just send your color chip in to your neighborhood Korean scientist.

 

 

 

 

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